See–Feel–Choose: Practice

See–Feel–Choose is a simple way of supporting everyday conversations - helping people notice what’s happening, make space for feelings, and explore change gently, when the time is right.

The practices on this page are designed to be used little and often, by adults supporting children, young people, and each other.

Talking about what we notice works best when it happens regularly, not only when something feels wrong. When noticing and check-ins become part of everyday life, they help normalise emotions, build trust, and reduce the pressure to “fix” things quickly.

These practices are not about intervention or monitoring. They are about creating space for open, honest communication - calmly, consistently, and without judgement.

Weekly check-ins offer a simple rhythm for reflection and connection. They don’t need to be long or formal, a few minutes is often enough. Over time, they help people build emotional language, feel heard, and recognise when support might be helpful.

Noticing what’s been happening

Younger children / primary

• “What do you remember most from this week?” 
• “What was something you noticed at school this week?” 
• “Was there a moment that really stuck in your mind?”
   

Older children / secondary

• “What stood out for you this week?” 
• “Was there anything that felt different or noticeable?” 
• “What’s something you’ve been thinking about?”
   

Making space for feelings

Younger children / primary

• “How did that make you feel inside?” 
• “Did it make you feel happy, worried, cross, calm — or something else?” 
• “What kind of feeling did you have in your body?”
   

Older children / secondary

• “How did that make you feel?” 
• “What feelings came up for you?” 
• “Did it bring up any big feelings, or lots of little ones?” 

(It’s really helpful to explicitly allow mixed or unclear feelings.)
 

Thinking gently about what might help

Younger children / primary

• “Is there anything that might help next time?” 
• “What would make things a bit easier?” 
• “Is there something you’d like help with?”
   

Older children / secondary

• “Is there anything that could help next week?” 
• “Would you like support with anything?” 
• “Is there something you’d like to be different?”
   

Some weeks you may stay in See and Feel — that’s okay.

When something feels heavier, it can help to slow the conversation down further.
The BATHE framework is a simple structure that supports active listening and compassionate conversations, without rushing to solutions.
 

BATHE prompts:

Background – What’s going on?

“What’s been happening for you lately?” or
“Do you want to tell me a bit about what’s been going on?”
 

Affect – How does it feel?

“How has that been making you feel?” or
“How did that feel for you?”
 

Troubles – What feels hardest right now?

“What’s worrying you the most at the moment?” or
“What feels like the hardest part of this?”
 

Handling – How are they coping?

“How are you managing with that?” or
“What have you been doing to get through the day?”
 

Empathy – Pause and reflect

“That sounds like a lot to carry.”
“I can see why that feels overwhelming.”
“Thank you for telling me.” 

The aim isn’t to fix — it’s to listen, validate, and help someone feel less alone.
Download: BATHE conversation guide (PDF)

The same principles apply across ages — what changes is the language, pace, and level of support.
Children (primary)

• Keep questions simple and concrete 
• Accept non-verbal responses (drawing, movement, silence) 
• Keep check-ins brief and predictable
   

Young people (secondary)

• Offer choice and privacy 
• Normalise “I don’t know” or minimal responses 
• Avoid pushing for solutions too quickly
   

Adults

• Use in teams, supervision, or at home 
• Model openness and curiosity 
• Avoid turning check-ins into performance or problem-solving

These practices are designed to support everyday emotional awareness and conversation.
They do not replace safeguarding processes or specialist mental health support where this is needed.

These approaches are embedded across our training and consultancy work, supporting people-first practice and meaningful change.